Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if only i could text you this smell
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
