two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
