i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
