before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
