he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
