I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Randomize
