I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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