my vag is so smooth its legendary
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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