I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
then he tried to convert me to islam
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
is that a dick in a sweater?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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