Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
