Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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