Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
