yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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