cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This is classic penis vs brain.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
