Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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