why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
