All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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