why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize