You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
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I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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