Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
