The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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