I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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