I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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