I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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