shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
