That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
