Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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