I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
