I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
