A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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