somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
