i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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