I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
