I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
