just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So much rum. So many feels.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
