Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
