Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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