Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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