So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
