i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Lo siento on account of my penis...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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