today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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