this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
