btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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