I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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