I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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