I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
