the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
