I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
