Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
