Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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