the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
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When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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