Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
