I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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