I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
