the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
