I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
