If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
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well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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