my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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