Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
NoShamevember. You game?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
