I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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