youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i used baking grease as lip gloss
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
