I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
