He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
