Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
