also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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