I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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