just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
