even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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