Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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