You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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