im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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