I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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