Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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