At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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